For a while now, I have become the self-appointed messiah of compassion. Many love this idea and the message of loving-kindness. Not all do, though. A few even trolled me on Facebook, telling me that if someone did something heinous to my family member, would I still be talking about compassion?

Well, the straight answer is yes!

Many would remember that my wife was assaulted in front of our house in Thimphu in 2012. Yesterday marked the twelfth anniversary – a full cycle in the Bhutanese zodiac system.

Two boys who were drunk had violently pushed her, and one punched her in the face, sending her flying backwards and hitting her head on the concrete drain. My wife was just closing the gate. She was found unconscious and rushed to the hospital, where she went into a coma until the next morning.

When that happened, I was with the royal entourage in south Bhutan – in a security-sensitive area, and it was past dinner time when my friend TG called me. In the rush to reach Thimphu, I put myself, my colleagues and the soldiers who were assigned to protect me – in grave danger. I still feel bad about this. And not a day goes by that I don’t thank our Guardian Deities that nothing more tragic happened that night.

My wife miraculously recovered to some degree after seeking several medical treatments both at home and abroad. She still carries the trauma – both physical and mental. However, the longer and deeper trauma was inflicted on my family – my daughter especially – something that we wrestle with even to this day. Nonetheless, we have also slowly learnt to live with it. I guess that’s the imperfection of life.

The assailants were caught a week after the incident. The Royal Bhutan Police did an excellent job. They were charged and tried in court and sentenced.

And here is where the compassion thing comes in.

Towards the end of the court procedures, the prosecutors called me (I was again on royal duty abroad), and the judge summoned my wife and asked her to seek damages – financial and psychological – from the defendants. Both my wife and I declined – to the surprise of the prosecutors, who then asked me to submit in writing.

In the letter to the judge, I declined to press any financial damages, which would have been huge. We had all the bills from the hospitals in Thailand. I also requested the prosecutors not to push too hard on the two young defendants in terms of the prison time.

In our submission to the court, we ended with something to this effect:

“The fact remains that my family and I will never be the same again. The incident has altered it forever – if it has not been destroyed. However, ruining the lives of two more families will not undo the tragedy that has befallen me. While for now, I am still drowned in anger and angst, something deep inside me tells me that I would regret being vindictive – in the long run. My prayers, therefore, are for my family to find peace and happiness again and for the young boys to deeply repent and rebuild their lives. I would like to believe that this was an involuntary unfortunate accident.

In the short period that we have on earth, l have been taught to be kind to others no matter where I find myself.”

Fast forward to twelve years:

Yesterday (22 November) marked the full zodiac cycle after that unfortunate accident happened. And I offered a prayer and Tshogkor to the deities and divinities at the most sacred of all places in Bhutan – Paro Taktshang. I thanked them for the struggle without which I wouldn’t be a different man today. I thanked them for the support and success, without which I wouldn’t feel lifted again. I thank them for being there all along because otherwise the tragedies would have been greater.

The Day was also one of the holiest days of the year – now celebrated as Mother’s Day. And it was nice to “come home” to her as I stood in silence in front of Khandro Yeshey Tshogyel. Earlier in the day my new-found friend, Steven Posner, led a group breath work. During the session I felt love, anger, compassion, forgiveness and finally my heart coming home back to me as he put song that said:

Don’t worry about a thing
‘Cause every little thing
Gonna be all right (by Bob Marley in Three Little Birds)

Optimism pays:

Life, I have come to understand, is about perspectives. You see how you decide to look at it. The same event or a phenomenon or a person can be very different from whichever angle you choose to look at. When I look back, many sad things happened after that. But so did many good things. I met my teachers and my Root Guru – Dorje Phagmo. I fulfilled my lifelong dream to be a teacher. I completed the works on my first temple in Athang Rukha in 2014 and went on to build two more there in the Covid years. And recently I built three stupas in Athang Morakha.

I also went back to school and got a PhD and studied Communication and Cultural Studies. Along the way, I deepened my knowledge of the world’s great wisdom traditions, such as the Balinese, Native Americans and, of course, the Vajrayana Buddhism – and got to travel to these places extensively and met some of the more brilliant minds in academia and corporate America.

I hold no grudge or anger towards anyone now. Hate ruins the life of the hater more than the hated. I still don’t know the faces of those boys who shattered my world. I didn’t even care to go meet them at the detention centre back then. I believed then and still believe that our youth are just the mirror of us, the adults, and the product of the society and country we have built for them.

Back to the question, is it possible to always practise compassion?

Well, the simple answer is yes!

Epilogue

As I walk down the Tigers Nest, I listened to another Bob Marley favorite, which encapsulated what late Mother would tell herself:

My feet is my only carriage,
And so I’ve got to push on through,
But while I’m gone,
Everything’s gonna be alright,
So no, woman, no cry