Many years back I was accompanying the parents of a friend of mine from the US. They were visiting Bhutan. Towards the end of the trip, the couple, both billionaires, invited me to visit them in Florida. All expenses paid.
“I will come,” I said.
“Nope!” Dorji, you must say, ‘I am coming,’ and give me a date,” came the reply.
Amused by his approach, I quizzed him. What’s the difference?
“You see, in life if you say things in future tense, nothing good will ever happen for you. When you say, ‘I am coming,’ instead of ‘I will come,’ it is a commitment. It is intentional.”
Wow! I thought. Who knew a simple change of words could mean all the difference?
He continued, “Likewise, I don’t like when people say, ‘I have to do this, I have to come, I have to eat.'”
“Nobody is forced to do anything. Instead, you choose to. You choose to do it; you choose to come; you choose to eat. What happens in life is your own choice,” he added.
He was right. I never made it to their home in Florida. There was no commitment in my words. However, ever since that encounter—and when I am faced with a dilemma, or hatred, or hurtful words and actions—I ponder deeply after the initial human reaction of sadness or anger.
“Does he hate me, or am I choosing to be hated? Are they being mean to me, or am I choosing to be hurt? Can I choose to not be hurt?”
I finally decide that what people do or say is not in my hands. What I do is my choice. And I will try to make choices for myself.
Beware of social media.
Ironically, social media, which were intended as social networking sites, have become the perfect tool for personal attacks and envies and jealousies. Hateful comments and judgments are passed without knowing anything about anyone or the context. One often feels disturbed or feels abused.
Even here, you can ask yourself, “Is social media bad, or am I choosing to be perturbed?”
So, every moment that we breathe, we will have to make choices. As we do that, just remember that more than the outer Maras, we need to reconcile with our inner demons—just as Buddha Shakyamuni did. We need to pause, take a deep breath, and remind ourselves that the external forces do not have to steer them. Otherwise, it is we who choose to be steered.
Lastly, I also see people quoting great sages and business leaders and “successful” individuals. Well, to pick a line from the movie The Matrix, those words and the wise “can only show you the door. ” You’re the one that has to walk through it.
Knowledge is useful if you give it legs, because it is only through practice and experiences that you garner the wisdom—the ultimate link to sustained happiness now and liberation later—or whatever you are seeking.
So, walk on!
















